Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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