Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
