wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
