i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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