I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
