i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
