Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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