I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were trust falling into bushes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
