The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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