I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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