Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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