come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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