hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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