Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
