He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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