It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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