she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize