Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
