I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
