This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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