there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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