My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
