I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
