Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
operation have a gay friend backfired
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
