i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
