I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There r osticjed everywhere
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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