you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize