i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
