You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
