Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
