I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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