Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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