glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
