There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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