we have officially lost it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
