my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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