Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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