i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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