No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
