She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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