I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
