apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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