How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
