i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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