Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
