if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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