I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
