Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vagina is officially offended.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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