bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't notice because vodka
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
