Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
