I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i now understand why vodka
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
