I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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