why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
