There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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