You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
