I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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