I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
