We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
