I looked at my own cervix.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
