yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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