I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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