My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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