I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
