I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
