I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
