Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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