Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
