Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
