omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
