She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
