So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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