After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize