Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
