Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
