you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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