I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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