he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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