Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
