Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
