It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
