I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
