My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love having hate sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
