I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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