just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
