Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
