i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
