Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
