So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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